Why Are You Crying

(after Mary Lambert)

I’m crying because I can’t find words

And words are what make my world go

I'll cry over spilled coffee too!

I’m crying for every time I’ve felt stuck

and couldn’t see the lesson for what it was

I’ll cry some more for all the unloved puppies

and children

Because how do we live in a world

where children are still for trade?

Where fake cops and firemen are paid more than real ones?

And people really love to abuse people like we are disposable

I’ll cry harder while I’m in the shower

where the tears seem to amplify as the

water covers my face and no one is around

Because if no one sees you, did you even cry?

I’m crying because I see my value even when

others don’t…or do, but still choose to try and

take advantage of how I’m built. I’ll soar anyway,

but I’ll damn sure be crying on my way up

I cry in the dark, with my noise-canceling

headphones on so I can only feel my body

shake as I cry along to some forlorn ballad

But I can’t hear myself cry… so again, did it even happen?

I cry after a fight too, not with words, but when

elbows fly

It is the only way I can come down

And I’ll cry when I’m down. Just before I slide

across the edge of my own mind and fall off

the borderline of depression, just before the numbness

kicks in

And when it kicks in, the tears dry

Sometimes, I cry for the little girl who was me

The one who couldn’t protect herself

And I cry because I could do that now, for her

Except, she IS me and I couldn’t then - so I

cry at my own lack of effectiveness

Where was I when I needed me most?

Oh, that’s right -barely developing. So I’ll cry some more

Because despite everything, every scar, every void

I turned into a really beautiful human

And if nothing else, isn’t that worth crying for?